Spaces


I’ve been drinking lately, but I’m alright with that.

An idea;

to surround myself with these demons so they can taste my heart in your place.

They fill a void in my lungs;

just deep enough, for the night to cradle my head back to sleep.

These lucid dreams, entice these beasts

while they stroke my cheeks and whisper;


” Let us taste you.

.

” Trace those lies,

with our tongues against your thighs,

for us to feel and divide.

Let us love you in their place,

to guide your fingertips between the space.

.

In between the sheets,

Your skin belongs to us.

Those tears and fears that

dictate

use

and abuse you,

offer no greater flavor

to our sensibilities.

.

Our Dear,

this is what our love can teach you.

.

Let alone those marks, Love.

You’ve been drinking lately,

so let us carry you to those parts of hatred,

where your tears collide with the bottom of our glass. ‘


The Quiet

The worst feelings come at day break,

when I wake to ice filling in my stomach.

Throughout the day,

I feel ugly and aged, swept by overwhelming tears

that come to me in waves.

When the evening comes again,

I move with anxious haste

to silence this loneliness

that stir within my wrists.

This heartache proves to be more powerful,

and I feel it all;

this void in my chest,

telling me I deserve this.

Left To Give


Beneath the shards of glass

stripped with fever and down to ash,

I ached to be your everything

when the sun collided against these walls.


In the quiet,

you were the loudest heart beat against my own.

As the moon took her rise,

she gently whispered;

” There’s nothing left to give. “

while her tears fell gently from the sky.

Mandy

Hi there, folks!

To celebrate the blog’s one month birthday yesterday, I welcome you all back to another film review!

I have to give a huge thank you to my mentor, Roland, for recommending this be the next subject of discussion for us horror enthusiasts.

Recently I watched Mandy, a psychedelic thriller/mystery film that came out in early September of 2018. Directed by Panos Cosmatos, the premise follows young couple, Mandy Bloom (Andrea Riseborough) and Red Miller (Nicolas Cage) living a quiet life together in a cabin just along the lake.

Taking place somewhere near Shadow Mountain during 1983, the tranquility of the couple’s seclusion abruptly falls apart when sadistic cult leader, Je-remiah Sand (Linus Roache), falls infatuated with Bloom after noticing her while on her way to work. With the aid of his followers and LSD fueled biker gang, Black Skulls, Je-remiah successfully breaks into the couple’s home to kidnap the pair during the dead of night.

Drugged by his followers, Mandy viciously laughs at Je-remiah once he “presents” himself to her, ultimately arousing the cult leader into a fury of rage. Unable to accept the emotional strain of Mandy’s rejection, Je-remiah breaks under the pressure and sets to burn the young woman alive in front of her gagged and bounded lover.

Sorry folks! Had to sensor this one… I have to say though, this scene was incredibly unexpected.

Finding a way to free himself, Red returns to his home mourning the loss of his partner through tearful screams and heavy consumption of alcohol. Consumed by his greif, Red’s mental stability deteriorated as he prepared for a vengful hunt to kill each participant of Je-remiah’s cult.

One of the most extraordinary aspects of this film is the incredible cinematography of Benjamin Loeb. Vivid interlacings of color induce a strikingly surreal and dream-like quality to the overall visuals. Additionally, Loeb’s particularity of color arrangement coincides with certain thought processes/events that a character may have been experiencing/reflecting on at the time, in addition to placing heavy emphasis on allegorical symbolism juxtaposed with sinful attribution.

This is particularly evident during the moment we are invited to gaze upon Je-remiah’s indulgence of his own, most primal, elements. Bathed in a deep red, with arms spread apart, Je-remiah stands erect above his reclined followers, assuming the physical embodiment of the cross. Loeb’s color precision during this scene, provides the viewer with a senseous lucidity in the desires of sin being committed for a “better good”.

Tastes of sacrifice

The true brilliance of Loeb’s colorworld however, is that it provides an experience rather than placing one in the position of simply just watching these events take place externally. Under the deepest red and visual distortion, we begin to see through the eyes of Mandy once affected by the drugs. Je-remiah comes forward to us through subtle overlays of Mandy’s face reflected above his own. It’s within this moment that we ourselves actually begin to feel the same sensations of these hallucinagenics.

In contrast to the darker pallet that encompasses the cult, a much softer collection of pastels expose something very different for Red and Mandy. Lilacs and blues veil the young couple during a scene where Mandy recalls a traumatic experience from her childhood.

Little of the pair’s backstories are openly provided, other than their current employment and where they reside. Previous hardships are only hinted to us by a scar under Mandy’s left eye, indicating potential abuse, and the absolute vigor of Red’s drinking over her passing, expressing that he were perhaps a recovering addict prior.

Unfortunately however, these beautiful communications of color that enforce such delicately whimsical, dream-like sensations, quickly becomes underscored by a rather less than tasteful ending. Had the film ended with Red bound and helpless to free his love, the story protrayed would have been much more successful and relatable. Part of what made this film such a success in the beginning, was how well it delivered possibility for the viewer to connect with the characters and their experiences. Addiction, loss, shame, rejection and grief are elements that can often be easily relatable to, to some degree.

Nicholas Cage’s realization of the devestation and loss that Red was suffering with, was nothing less than a beautiful and intimate performance. However, from there after, the actor’s dispotion spiraled from a serious temperment to that of a more humorously crazed one.

It’s not a secret that the film sought to outline Red’s progression of a shattered mental stability with the affects of it from over time. This could have been approached in a severely different matter however, rather than simply having the character screaming a bit too over the top with goofy faces. With this, Red started to be protrayed as “delusional” in the most obvious, cliche and chainsaw swinging way. It perhaps would have benefited the film to have had the character “shelter” his hatred and react in a more subtle fashion.

Although the spontaneous style of Cage’s acting is ultimately the very attribution that brought him to fame in the first place, such spontaneity hadn’t been needed for this particular film in order to work. Consequently, it severed all possibility of the viewer to achieve an experience that was transcribed so successfully earlier in the film.

As Red begins to kill off one by one each member of the cult (including the crazed, penis sythed, LSD driven Black Skulls) he saves the very best for last; Je-remiah Sand. Before doing so, however, he made it a point to slip in a little bit of the biker gang’s lovely magic into his own system…perfect idea? Hmmm, debateable.

At this point, with blood flying everywhere, unnecessary intermissions of 2-D scenes and bizzar flashes of LSD trips with a caged tiger roaring to the sky, it genuinely feels as if it becomes a completely different film all together with. Regrettably, this made it rather difficult to appreciate the film for its abandonment of sincerity.

Bring me the coffeeee

Over all, despite having such a brilliant application of visuals, it was exceptionally disappointing to see the film turn down such an ill though-out road. That being said, the piece is well worth a watch, just to gain the core beginning experience.

Thanks for having a look and I hope you all enjoyed!

See anything you agreed with or want to hear more thoughts on? Feel free to let me know! Suggestions always welcome, especially for the next film review!

Cheers everyone!

When there’s no more cookies left…

I do not own any of the stills, artwork or gifs used for this review *

He Always Watches: Sleep For a Little While

Bring the popcorn, my friends! It’s a film review!

And of course, I had to tackle this one with a very special thanks to my professor for encouraging me to finally start this up (here’s looking to you Roland!)

Alrighty, so here we go!

I’ll be the first to admit that for many of us Creepypasta enthusiasts out there, it’s safe to say that the very idea of a Slender Man film being set into production, brought forward an incredible amount of anticipation to the table. Director Sylvain White, however, chose the wrong fan base to seek the approval of.

Fathered by Eric Knudsen, Slender Man’s birth in 2009 was conceived for the Something Aweful forum thread, where a Photoshop “paranormal image creation” challenge was issued. Knudsen under the pseudonym, “Victor Surge” contributed with his thinly built, humanoid entity; to which had been generously rewarded with a vast amount of viral attention.

The Slender Man mytho spread remarkably fast to assume multiple variants of narratives. Child abduction, parasitic mental invasion and electronic malfunctions are just a few of the more popular phenomena that embody this penguin suited, tentacle wiggle’n supernatural.

It’s clear to see that the character quickly became the most dominant icon of ‘creepypasta fiction’. Having lead years worth of inspired fan art and web stories, the entity received his ultimate crown on May 31st, 2014 when two 12 year old girls reportedly stabbed their classmate 19 times in Waukesha, Wisconsin. Before the court, the girls openly admitted to their attempt at murder for the utter purpose of appeasing the infamous Slender Man.

Thankfully, the young victim was able to survive these sinical attacks and the girls were scentenced to decades of mental hospitalization.

With this in mind, Mr. White was treading on some dangerously thin ice despite the film being released during a wane of the Slender Man mytho.

Hey there sugar ๐Ÿ˜‰

Certain choices had to be made so as not to provide any offensive material to the victim and their family. In the director’s defense however, his sensitivities towards the event were made clear by having a lack of weaponry being included in the film, chiefly that of knives. Additionally, the characters of the story line aren’t the same ages as the victim and 12 year old assulters. In fact, the protagonists were much older students in highschool, living in the setting of a small town in Massachusetts. Unfortunately however, as far as a “horror movie” goes, this film came to be such a beautifully tragic let down.

The premise follows four teen girls who summon the Slender Man through an online ritual at an overnight sleepover. ( Umm, The Ring much? ) One of the girls, Katie, goes missing during a class field trip to the cemetery (…they put way too much kitsch on this quiche…) where the rest of the film shows the girls attempts at bringing her back home. ‘Shockingly’ each of the girls ultimately sealed their fates to the inevitable and were taken by the nefarious Slender Man themselves.

When your roommate takes the last slice of pizza…

Realized by phenomenal creature-actor, Javier Botet, the Slender Man is depicted with heavy amounts of digital enhancement. With this, it became near impossible to place the creature accurately into space; even more so during the moments where he’s actually meant to distort the perceptions of reality on purpose. In fact, so much over-editing was done during those experiences that it just became goofy and unrelatable to the viewer.

What makes Javier Botet such an incredible asset to the horror genre in general, is his exceptionally unique body type and musculature. The young actor suffers from Marfan Syndrome, a disorder characterized by extreme height and slenderness, yet he has used it to his full advantage to protray various types of creatures, appearing in films such as It, and Alien: Covenant.

Javier Botet

With such an interesting capability of bodily motion, it was extremely disappointing to see Botet’s performance underscored by untasteful utilizations of crudely done, Photoshopped overlays.

That’s to say for only the very few times we actually get to see the creature. Perhaps this film was meant to flourish as just a simple Halloween edition of ‘Where’s Waldo’. To put it blatantly, the film missed several opportunities with Botet at their disposal to create a genuine work of horrific art.

In case the game of ‘I-Spy Slendy’ wasn’t frustrating enough as is, we have moments in the film where it’s just too dark to even see much of anything. For the moments where we actually do get to encounter him, Mr. Slendy seems to be just a bit too far from reach, and the moment is very short lived.

Look there he is!… Oh no wait…it’s just a tree… Or is it?

With over the top additions of distorted visionaries, such as a faceless woman bathing, quite literally, in the Japanese inspired horror motif of long, matted dark hair…(again, The Ring?) …It’s exceptionally difficult to take anything seriously in this.

Where’s the cheesey poofs??
Mama Slendy…?
Miss, I think you forgot some things….

For many, Slender Man drifts between the forrest as a manifestation of one’s deeply rooted fears associated with predatorial abduction, molestation and many other horrible tragities coinciding with the dangers of a strange, unknown figure luring a small child away from home. Part of that fear factor, however, ultimately resides in the unknown as to what occurs to the victim once abducted.

I can’t stress enough how much material this film had the chance to work with that was painfully left untouched. Like many other horror films out there, this one harpped on the classic high score “jump scare” tactic, with moody undertones. And here’s a quick note: just because your film is dark, doesn’t mean it’s going to be scary… It just means I can’t see well enough to find the cheesey poofs.

Well, the next time I order a horror quiche, I expect them to hold the kitsch… Seriously…

I couldn’t take how overwhelmingly kitschy everything was …

When the director brings extra kitsch

And that wraps up my thoughts on Slender Man 2018.

I don’t particularly recommend this film, unless you really have nothing else better to do for your evening.

So what are your thoughts? Did you agree or find something I may have missed? Have any recommendations for the next horror review? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for looking!

( I do not own any of the images / stills that were used for this post. )

-R

One Image, One-Thousand Words

“Do not wonder if my verses outstrip those of other poets, my heart is more afire with love and I am swift to do Love’s bidding.” – Ventadorn

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for joining me on this extraordinary ride!

For quite some time now, I’ve been aching to find a space where I can share my experiences to people through art, writing and photography.

Just a bit of background on me, I’m a traditionally and classically trained representational artist living along the East Coast. This coming May of 2019, I’ll be graduating from the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts, a college of the University of New Haven, and will be receiving a BFA in drawing.

Working in a highly narrative mindset, my portrait works in particular aim to transcend the subject’s physical features with the objective to expose an internal essence of them.

Here a few pieces I’ve made from earlier this year that I’ve felt to be particularly impactful on me. For me as the artist, conveying the story, above all, was the most important aspect to these works.

This little piece was a wonderful exploration of young woman named, Alexis. Her and I have a lovely history of going to the same middle school together and growing up in a small rural town in Connecticut called, Voluntown.

Alexis is a young photographer that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for quite a while. Recently, she made a series of self portraits tenderly titled, “The Art of Illness” that I deeply connected with. Her work ultimetly led to the inspiration of capturing the honesty conveyed in her photographs.

It was a wonderful experience having the chance to explore the unique elements of her. This drawing was referenced by her final image to the series. An overcoming strength, despite forms of hardship, in her passage was written: ” I’m stranded. I’m vulnerable. I’m confused. I’m frustrated. I’m highly upset. “

Her photographs tell a story of self evolution,
a rebirth, from wilt to full bloom. An overcoming from posions that flood our heads. These are emotions and thoughts that make us human. We are not weak to feel them. We are raw and we are honest. We are vulnerable so we may grow.

A huge thank you to Alexis for letting me use her wonderful self portrait for the drawing. You can see her incredible photography on Instagram at @lexthehiker

Transition, 11 x 22, graphite and charcoal on paper, 2018

This piece on the other hand, was an incredible challenge for me. By making this work, it meant having to be honest with myself as well as being forgiving while being aware of limitations that I have.

Self portraits had never come easily to me. I recall moments of frustration for every self portrait assignment my professors would give to me during my earlier years of study. As a scholar, I’ve always understood the importance of doing so, however there was always something holding me back from enjoying the learning processes.

When I first started this piece, I began with a certain set of objectives. During this period, my body underwent drastic changes very quickly. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Depression at the time, and for several months I hadn’t been adjusting well to it. Eating is actually a very difficult obstical with this disorder, alothough too little of that reality is discussed.

For most patients, obessity is very common. Because this disorder is characterized by mild to severe chronic pain, fatigue, low energy, brain fog, and memory imparement, patients often struggle to the find the strength enough to move around through out the day.

Admittedly, this terrified me immensley. Eating certain foods can cause “flare ups” or symptoms in my body to exacerbate. Bloating, cramping and just overall discomforts, have quickly grown to be an entity in my life.

I felt so vividly stuck and alone in my body to the point where I started lashing out in the worst ways. Its extremely difficult to open up about this, but I started to avoide eating, even for days at some points, simply because the fear of not being able to properly process food wouldn’t be there.

Every morning is a constant battle between questioning whether or not I should or shouldn’t eat this or that particular food item. I dropped down to a tiny weight, and with an aggressive encouragement of my doctor to seek therapy and really push my caloric intake, I finally had.

Having experienced therapy for the first time has been a scary yet surreal experience. As I’ve worked with my counselor, we’ve come to the conclusion that body dysmorphia is a high possibility for me. At the moment, I do have plans for professional evaluation. In alot of ways, my eyes were open to things I couldn’t see clearly.

It’s easy to fall into traps of a warped perception. Looking to Ma’ at, the Egyptian goddess of truth, order and harmony as inspiration for this work, I’ve realized the importance of an internal balance between what is limited and what can be done. As easily as sand, my perceptions will fall between my finger tips and I have to come to terms with it.

I want to express that no matter how difficult it can be at times, always remember you are beautiful, strong and most certainly valid. Never let the words of others dictate that truth. One may tell you that you are weak, mopey or sad all the time, but despite all of that, take the negative energy and stay strong through the criticisms. Allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to be the tremendously beautiful artwork that you are.

Thank you, again, so much for taking the time to look through these. It’s exciting to have this opportunity to share these connections with people to create a platform for others to feel safe and comfortable in.

I’ll be updated as much as I can with new writing, photographs and pieces to talk about very soon.

Until than, stay warm this coming holiday and cherish the time with your loved ones! Be sure to have a couple extra ginger bread cookies and egg nog too! ๐Ÿช๐ŸŽ„

R