“Do not wonder if my verses outstrip those of other poets, my heart is more afire with love and I am swift to do Love’s bidding.” – Ventadorn

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for joining me on this extraordinary ride!

For quite some time now, I’ve been aching to find a space where I can share my experiences to people through art, writing and photography.

Just a bit of background on me, I’m a traditionally and classically trained representational artist living along the East Coast. This coming May of 2019, I’ll be graduating from the Lyme Academy College of Fine Arts, a college of the University of New Haven, and will be receiving a BFA in drawing.

Working in a highly narrative mindset, my portrait works in particular aim to transcend the subject’s physical features with the objective to expose an internal essence of them.

Here a few pieces I’ve made from earlier this year that I’ve felt to be particularly impactful on me. For me as the artist, conveying the story, above all, was the most important aspect to these works.

This little piece was a wonderful exploration of young woman named, Alexis. Her and I have a lovely history of going to the same middle school together and growing up in a small rural town in Connecticut called, Voluntown.

Alexis is a young photographer that I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for quite a while. Recently, she made a series of self portraits tenderly titled, “The Art of Illness” that I deeply connected with. Her work ultimetly led to the inspiration of capturing the honesty conveyed in her photographs.

It was a wonderful experience having the chance to explore the unique elements of her. This drawing was referenced by her final image to the series. An overcoming strength, despite forms of hardship, in her passage was written: ” I’m stranded. I’m vulnerable. I’m confused. I’m frustrated. I’m highly upset. “

Her photographs tell a story of self evolution,
a rebirth, from wilt to full bloom. An overcoming from posions that flood our heads. These are emotions and thoughts that make us human. We are not weak to feel them. We are raw and we are honest. We are vulnerable so we may grow.

A huge thank you to Alexis for letting me use her wonderful self portrait for the drawing. You can see her incredible photography on Instagram at @lexthehiker

This piece on the other hand, was an incredible challenge for me. By making this work, it meant having to be honest with myself as well as being forgiving while being aware of limitations that I have.

Self portraits had never come easily to me. I recall moments of frustration for every self portrait assignment my professors would give to me during my earlier years of study. As a scholar, I’ve always understood the importance of doing so, however there was always something holding me back from enjoying the learning processes.

When I first started this piece, I began with a certain set of objectives. During this period, my body underwent drastic changes very quickly. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Depression at the time, and for several months I hadn’t been adjusting well to it. Eating is actually a very difficult obstical with this disorder, alothough too little of that reality is discussed.

For most patients, obessity is very common. Because this disorder is characterized by mild to severe chronic pain, fatigue, low energy, brain fog, and memory imparement, patients often struggle to the find the strength enough to move around through out the day.

Admittedly, this terrified me immensley. Eating certain foods can cause “flare ups” or symptoms in my body to exacerbate. Bloating, cramping and just overall discomforts, have quickly grown to be an entity in my life.

I felt so vividly stuck and alone in my body to the point where I started lashing out in the worst ways. Its extremely difficult to open up about this, but I started to avoide eating, even for days at some points, simply because the fear of not being able to properly process food wouldn’t be there.

Every morning is a constant battle between questioning whether or not I should or shouldn’t eat this or that particular food item. I dropped down to a tiny weight, and with an aggressive encouragement of my doctor to seek therapy and really push my caloric intake, I finally had.

Having experienced therapy for the first time has been a scary yet surreal experience. As I’ve worked with my counselor, we’ve come to the conclusion that body dysmorphia is a high possibility for me. At the moment, I do have plans for professional evaluation. In alot of ways, my eyes were open to things I couldn’t see clearly.

It’s easy to fall into traps of a warped perception. Looking to Ma’ at, the Egyptian goddess of truth, order and harmony as inspiration for this work, I’ve realized the importance of an internal balance between what is limited and what can be done. As easily as sand, my perceptions will fall between my finger tips and I have to come to terms with it.

I want to express that no matter how difficult it can be at times, always remember you are beautiful, strong and most certainly valid. Never let the words of others dictate that truth. One may tell you that you are weak, mopey or sad all the time, but despite all of that, take the negative energy and stay strong through the criticisms. Allow yourself to feel and allow yourself to be the tremendously beautiful artwork that you are.

Thank you, again, so much for taking the time to look through these. It’s exciting to have this opportunity to share these connections with people to create a platform for others to feel safe and comfortable in.

I’ll be updated as much as I can with new writing, photographs and pieces to talk about very soon.

Until than, stay warm this coming holiday and cherish the time with your loved ones! Be sure to have a couple extra ginger bread cookies and egg nog too! 🍪🎄

R